Pokemon Red Adventures 00 (Proto-chapter){PODCAST SERIES}

 

Pokémon Red Adventures

RED: Welcome to the world of Pokémon, I am Red, I have waited my whole life for this and now it is time, I will become the Pokémon master and I will capture Mew, even if it kills me. My father disappeared trying to capture mew, I will find him and avenge him.

Mom: Red, hun! Come downstairs, you’re going to be late! I wish you would stop externalizing your internal desires but I’m sure you will grow out of it. The psychologist said so.

RED: hmmmm! Well I guess I have to go down! Mom, did you make breakfast?

Mom: Yes, it’s on the counter… before you go… tell me that you will come back.

RED: I promise! I promise that I will come back, you will see me again! For as long as I journey… I will be thinking about yo…

Mom: Uh huh, Alright hun, just a simple yes would have been fine!

RED: HMMMMMM!

Mom: Well everything you are taking with you is packed, you can leave if you want to, by the way… the movie I’m watching is about some boys on a railroad track!

RED: Mom, are you watching stand by me? Why are you watching stand by me? It isn’t a good movie!

Mom: I didn’t even know what I was watching until now.

RED: What!

Mom: Well everything you are taking with you is packed, you can leave if you want to, by the way… the movie I’m watching is about some boys on a railroad track!

RED: Hmm, mother seems to be in some dialog loop!

Mom: The movie I’m watching is about some boys on a railroad track!

RED: Alright I’m done! I’m DONE! I’m going now!

OUTSIDE

RED: WOW DOES PALLET TOWN SUCK ASS! There’s like two houses here! How is a space of land that can only hold two houses and a laboratory and has a population of 6 a fucking town! AAAAAND where do the rest of the people in this town live!? Fuck! Have I really lived here my whole life!? Well who gives a donkey’s anus, I’m going to just walk right into this tall-ass grass that no one seems concerned with, I mean they should since wild Pokémon live in tall grass.

Oak: Hey, you there! What are you doing, its suicide going into there!

RED: What! How so, it’s just some grass!

Oak: Exactly, Pokémon and such live in there! Rattata’s bite you know!

RED: Yes I know where wild Pokémon live! What do you think I’m dumb! I have like 4 pokeballs and some rocks! I think I will be okay!

Oak: I don’t know… you should come with me! You will be safe with me! In my lab… with me!

RED: Are you going to rape me??

Oak: Ha…ha no, what gives you that idea?

RED: I don’t trust you old man, but you are the only NPC here that gives a rat’s ass so I’ll go with you.

Oak: Superb! Before we leave, have you met my grandson, Blue.

RED: FUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!

IN OAKS LAB:

BLUE: Thanks granddad, I love this new Squirtle.

RED: Oak, I have made up my mind! Charmander! I! CHOOSE! YOU!

Oak: That was so lame

RED: Shut up! Hey Blue wait up! Don’t you want to battle?!

BLUE: I’d love to… but I best be going, granddad needed a parcel fetched, here’s a map if you want it.

RED: I always did hate that Blue’s attitude!

Oak: Before you go, here’s your pokedex, cherish it… always!

RED: I… will be going now… you are starting to scare the living shit out of me... bye… Oak!

RED: Man, this is a shitty lab

Aid: Hi!!!

RED: AHHH! You scared the shit out of me, what do you want!

Aid: I am one of professor Oaks aides and…

RED: What… hahahahaha bwahahahahahaha… are you for real that is ridiculous!

Aid: UHHHH! Here’s some potions you asshole, take them and leave.

Narrator: With Charmander, 4 Pokeballs and some rocks and stuff, begins Red’s journey into the world of Pokémon, he does not yet understand the adversity that faces him! Join us next time to see how far he can get before ultimately getting bored with the whole thing altogether!

Oh Pixar... You!!! + Monsters U Rant/Review!

The Decline of Pixar

Beginning with  with Toy Story in 1995 and most recently Monster U, 27 years of animation has cemented Pixar as arguably one of the most influential animation house. Sadly of recent Pixar's films have been less than the stellar hits we've seen in the past. Why? It always happens... once a studio becomes too big, they just outgrow some techniques for others. I'm not saying this is a bad thing but... Pixar used to use a very small budget to make their films at some point... this forced them to make the best quality film they could! Now they have the money to make AAA movies, they focus much more on visuals and franchising than anything else. I'm not saying they shouldn't be allowed to make franchises, but I am saying they are going about it in the wrong way! Toy Story is the perfect example of a sequel, each installment brings growth and maturity along with snazzy visuals, whilst on the other hand Cars... did not! Let's talk about Brave! I quite enjoyed Brave! It was spunky and different, but it lacked charm and good pacing, it had a clear focus but it was all wrong! The art is still breathtakingly beautiful though! Monsters U... I tried to enjoy this movie, but its just a wrong film!!! Why??? Because they expanded on the monsters world in the wrong way! They created very bland characters in the process, excluding my favorite character to come out of this film, Brock Pearson... And I even don't know why he's my favorite. They got the pacing horribly wrong! It just movies like a buddy-college guy movie, They fight, They need to help each other and they win in the end, becoming best friends for life in the process. It makes me sick that Pixar would follow such a formulaic approach to film making... but they have created their own formula haven't they, "Let's take inanimate objects and lets create a world for them!" There is no saving Pixar, don't even try... my best advice is to just give up on them... its for the best.

Its like shooting a dog with rabies... it has to be done!

Connory "conogh" Eisen

YEEZUS>>>BOI!!!

YEEZUS

ALBUM REVIEW

So finally Kanye West has brought out his baby of 2013, Yeezus, was it worth the wait?

Yes finally, Kanye’s recent showings have received mixed critical reception; there is an evident shift from him being a rapper/producer to him trying to be a mogul. His recent music (Cruel Summer) was not received to well, featuring a lot (if not all) of the GOOD MUSIC roster, which all had better performances than Kanye.

Why am I telling you all of this guff that you probably knew already, well to set a scene. A common complaint about Yeezus is that it isn’t as “complete” as his older albums (comparing it mainly to ‘808’s and Heartbreaks’ and Dark Fantasy [not a very fair comparison in mo.]. Whilst the complaints are true… it isn’t that kind of album and maybe Kanye should not have called it an album but rather an EP because the 10 song track list is more akin to an EP.  Another complaint is that the songs are to different, well of course they would have to be different, or else why would we have bought the album? They are very different (but so was 808) but I see it as Kanye adopting a new style for his music. If I were to add a complaint it would be that the album was rushed. With that said, lets rip this album a new one!

This album, in contrary to what I previously thought about it, is not very good… in fact it is a rather poor showing in comparison to what he has done in the past. It definitely is an album you can only listen to once… because you won’t want to listen to it again! BUT!!!!!!!! And this is a big butt(like Kim) some songs are actually listenable, in particular Black Skinhead, New Slaves and Blood On The Leaves. The sound and sample usage is abysmal, because the constantly us the same sounds: SCREAMS!!! ASSHOLES!!! If it didn’t work for Watch The Throne why would it work here!!! GAWD!!!

I know this review is extremely vague but isn’t that perfect for this album!? This album is terribly short… so why should this review be any longer than it needs to?

 

 

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